WESTWOOD — UCLA second year and Pennywise wannabe, George Rogers, was found this morning coated in feces, peering through a sewer telling popsicle-stick jokes to frightened bystanders. “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator,” Rogers said as he drooled down his menacing grin. “Everyone keeps saying I’m a hack for copying that ‘It’ guy’s shtick, but I’ve been doing this since 8th grade. The inspiration really hit when I made a dick joke in class and my teacher said I had my mind in the gutter; that’ll be my thing, I thought. Plus, I don’t need silly make-up or dead children to fluff up my act.” This morning before lecture, Rogers was seen scrubbing off dried urine from his microphone.
