CDC Drops 2nd C From Name

ATLANTA — Following a series of changes to their COVID-19 policies, the C.D.C. has declared that they will be dropping the second “C” from their name, effective immediately. “After careful consideration, we’ve elected to deprioritize all efforts to prevent, limit, or otherwise control the spread of disease in the United States,” announced Rochelle Wolensky, director of the Centers for Disease, before wiping her runny nose with a pamphlet labeled “Coronavirus Mitigation Strategies.” “We here at the C.D. are proud of the painstaking efforts undertaken over the last seventy-five years to combat everything from malaria to swine flu, but at this point we’re just kind of over the whole deal. Be well.” At press time, local news outlets were reporting on plans to revamp the agency’s freshly abandoned headquarters into a Dave & Buster’s.

About Dylan Wood 48 Articles
Dylan Wood is an American actor and filmmaker. He is known for his comedic and dramatic roles in such films as Splash (1984), Big (1988), Turner & Hooch (1989), Sleepless in Seattle (1993), Forrest Gump(1994), Apollo 13 (1995), You've Got Mail (1998), Cast Away (2000), Captain Phillips(2013), Saving Mr. Banks (2013), Sully (2016), and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019). He has also starred in the Robert Langdon films, and he voices Sheriff Woody in the Toy Story film series. He is one of the most popular and recognizable film stars worldwide, and he is widely regarded as an American cultural icon.