Report: Oh, You Fucked It Up. You Fucked It All Up
HOLLYWOOD— According to multiple sources, you reeeaaally did it this time. “Take a cold, hard look at yourself,” said one source familiar with the situation, […]
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BREAKING: The Hat Man Is Coming For You
YOUR LOCATION — He can see you. Run.
Brendon Urie Files For Divorce From Brendon Urie
LOS ANGELES— Brendon Urie, lead singer and only remaining member of the former pop-rock band Panic! At The Disco, has announced that he will be […]
Opinion: I Can’t Believe It’s Already Week 9
Wow, can you believe it’s almost the end of the quarter? Time sure does fly! It feels like the first day of school was just […]
Fetishist Senator Gravely Misunderstands U.S.’ Inflation Problem
WASHINGTON, D.C.— The office of Senator Martha Lovelace (R-AR) is scrambling to spin an unfortunate gaffe made in the joint committee on taxation hearings earlier […]
GroupMe Removed From List Of Best Venues For Aspiring Stand-Up Comedians
LOCATION — Collegiate jokesters across the nation were rocked by news that GroupMe has been removed from the L.A. Times’ list of best venues for […]
Trend Watch! These Fuckin’ Things
Fidget Spinners. Kendamas. Fushigi Magic Gravity Balls. These are just a few of the endless gadgets and doodads that have captivated the minds and hearts […]
5 Tips For Setting Healthy Boundaries With The Ants In Your Kitchen
Fall is here, and you know what that means! Pumpkin spice, holiday breaks, and several hundred new roommates. That’s right, your apartment is crawling with […]
Unbelievable! Phone Call You Put Off For Months Took Two Minutes
YOUR SILLY BRAIN — Despite a history of this very thing happening, you were once again shocked today when that phone call you’ve been putting […]