Opinion: If You’re Buying Valentine’s Day Gifts From The Hilltop Shop, You Don’t Deserve Your Girlfriend
Fellas – I know midterms are tough. I know it’s so hard to feel romantic in these trying times. I know you straight up forgot […]
Opinion
All Hail! God-King Julio Frenk Ensures Only Correct Speech Allowed
Hear ye! Hear ye! Rejoice! For our powerful leader, Julio Frenk, has banned all wrong speech on campus. No more will we have to determine […]
Enabler Reviews: The Arrival Of A Train At La Ciotat (1896)
Movies. They’ve been around for over 100 years and have given us universally lauded classics like “The Godfather,” “Parasite,” and “Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over.” […]
Opinion: Stealing Is Morally Wrong Unless It’s From The Hilltop Shop
The Hilltop Shop is essential to surviving on the Hill. Need laundry detergent? Cheeto Puffs? A month-old refrigerated sandwich? You go to the Hilltop Shop. […]
Opinion: Stop Asking To Switch Out Of Your Friday 8AM, Everyone Else Is Hungover Too
The start of the quarter is rough for all of us, let’s admit it. An end to a seemingly endless interlude from reality, our first […]
The Enabler Reports: Zip It, Gamgam! America’s New Epidemic Of Lippy Elders
“I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up?” More like, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t SHUT UP!” Subtle disses by the frail hands of elders have […]
Opinion: There Should Be Female Frats For Hey Mamas Lesbians
UCLA Greek life is undeniably captivating. During rush, inspired, I found myself at an impasse, deciding where I would fit in to all of this. […]
Opinion: I Am Going To Squish My Roommate Like A Bug
Oh my god. My roommate just looked at me. Why in the fuck ass did he just do that. He might as well be taking […]