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— , WestWOOD, CA knowing grammar this important not is for I am with; if artificial I am – then what. grammar were be! that […]
International
Local FC Barcelona Fan Learns What Catalonia Is
WESTWOOD — Local FC Barcelona supporter and self described “football, not soccer” fanatic Rick Lionsgate was startled to find Barcelona was located in Catalonia, the […]
LiAngelo Asks If “Steals” Can Be Added To Otherwise Poor Stat Sheet
HANGZHOU, CHINA — After being apprehended for stealing merchandise from a store in China, LiAngelo Ball was left wanting to know if these “steals” could […]
Waldo Removed From FBI’s Missing Persons List, Presumed Dead
WASHINGTON, D.C.— Acting Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) director Andrew McCabe announced today that the man known simply as Waldo, whose disappearance was brought to […]
Apple Announces Plans To Only Play Upbeat Music In Sweatshops
CUPERTINO — This week Apple, in keeping with tradition of ceremonial pomp, held a massive event unveiling their plans to play non-stop pop music for […]
Western Wall Grabbed By the Crevice
JERUSALEM — On May 22, one of the holiest sites of the Abrahamic religions was allegedly accosted by a visiting tourist with incredibly small hands. […]
Santa Delivers Coal To Rust Belt, Stimulating Economy
Johnstown, PA–In the early hours of Christmas morning, Santa Claus helped president-elect Donald J. Trump deliver on his campaign promise to reinvigorate the rust belt’s […]
God Confused About Fidel Castro Death Reaction
THE HEAVENS— After scrolling through Facebook over the weekend, God expressed genuine confusion regarding humanity’s reaction to Cuban dictator Fidel Castro’s death. “I thought we […]
Study: The Sea Is An Unforgiving Mistress
SAN DIEGO, CA—Recent studies compiled by various mateys and seadogs have unanimously concluded that, despite the proposals made by hapless landlubbers, the sea is a […]
Julian Assange Gets A Timeout
LONDON—During this week’s U.S. Presidential Debate, Julian Assange, WikiLeaks editor-in-chief, was put on time out. “Assange has been a very naughty naughty boy these past […]