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Lists

Five Stupid Little Trinkets To Give Your Mom Instead Of Grandchildren

May 11, 2025 Shayne Sweet 0

1. Card Pick up the last Mother’s Day card (conveniently located next to the “#1 Grandma” cards) and don’t even sign your name inside. She’s […]

“Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids

May 2, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

Well, it’s official: President Trump has signed an executive order cutting funding to PBS. And thank the canonically white God, because the hit kids’ show […]

UCLA Requires Duo Mobile Authentication For Students To Learn If They Can Stay In Country

April 4, 2025 Olivia Maes 0

4 Things I Refuse To Apologize For After Being Held Hostage By The Pirates Of The Caribbean Animatronics For 93 Days

February 4, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

At first, I was ashamed. I was mortified. For years and years I hid in the shadows. I felt… embarrassed. I was embarrassed by all […]

Mysogyny And For Other Words I Don’t Know How To Spell

December 11, 2024 Sandall Tobias 0

Its finals weak. I have to right tree different essays butt oh no I’m bad at spelling! I’m not gonna use spellcheck because the machine’s […]

Top Five Books That Could’ve Been An Email

May 14, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

To Whom It May Concern, In today’s world, clear and concise communication is more important than ever. Electronic messaging has revolutionized almost every aspect of […]

Best Ways To Stay Cool And Mysterious After Tripping Over An Electric Scooter

January 12, 2024 Adam Nadifi 0

WESTWOOD — We’ve all been there, strutting down the sidewalk, listening to Radiohead and scowling occasionally so that people know you’ve got a dark secret, […]

Who? What? Where? And 4 Other Questions To Ask

June 10, 2023 Ammi Lane-Volz 0

We get it. You’re a curious little fella. There’s a lot of stuff you want to know, but you just don’t know what to ask […]

The Sexiest, I Mean The Smartest Youth Climate Activists

January 24, 2020 Joe Biden 0

The global movement to adopt greener solutions has been led by sexy children who have fought tooth and nail to prot–I mean, intelligent. The push […]

Seven Neat Ways To Actually MAKE Money This Holiday Season

December 10, 2019 Ben Robinow 0

Yes, it’s that time of year again! A time of joy and cheer, a time of love and family, and above all, a time of […]

Posts pagination

1 2 3 »

  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    WESTWOOD – Last night, UCPD relapsed in their ongoing addiction to arresting innocent students by violently swarming a movie screening and arresting two attendees. “The […]

  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

Featured Authors

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Gabe McNeill
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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