The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • On The Paper
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

Diet

UniBud Now Accepting ASUCLA Meal Tickets

May 17, 2023 Anastasia Vanderpool 0

WESTWOOD — ASUCLA announced last Sunday that it is partnering with UniBud to bring students all of their kushy needs, now accessible via their student […]

Opinion: Science Is Fake! The Same Water That “Carved The Grand Canyon” Can’t Flush My Poop Down This Toilet

March 27, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

We’ve all sat through the same boring eighth grade science class where they teach you about “erosion.” They say water flowed through some rocks and […]

Super Bowl? Damn Right I’m Gonna Smoke A Super Big Bowl This Sunday Afternoon

February 10, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

Opinion: If We’re Bringing Back Cigarettes, Why Don’t We Also Bring Back Opium?

February 9, 2023 Vic O'Din 0

I’ve noticed an interesting trend recently. You’re at a party, drinking your beers, sipping your jungle juice, and all of a sudden everyone is smoking […]

Trend Watch: Cooking With Buccal Fat

January 30, 2023 Dana Badii 0

So, you’ve decided to remove your buccal fat because someone on TikTok told you to. Way to go! You’ve joined the ranks of admirable, hardworking […]

CAPS Experiencing Unprecedented Surge Amid Egg Shortage

January 25, 2023 Sam Haines 0

WESTWOOD — The national egg shortage has left droves of Bruins without a key ingredient not only of their breakfast but of their self care. “We […]

Opinion: IBS Isn’t Hot Because Diarrhea Is Gross, Actually

January 11, 2023 A Concerned Citizen 0

Have you heard about how hot girls have IBS? How all the hottest girls are on a low FODMAP diet and can’t look at a […]

Ackerman Smoothie Robot Also Striking

December 1, 2022 Sam Haines 0

ACKERMAN STUDENT UNION — In a unanimous vote, the Ackerman Beverage Kiosk Robotic Arm Union solidified plans for a strike. “I will bring UCLA to […]

Off-Campus Students Realize They Have To Feed Themselves To Live

March 3, 2022 Don John 0

WESTWOOD — Off-campus student Jess Rodgers expressed frustration Tuesday after learning that Earth did not have dining halls everywhere and that she needed to find […]

Safety Legends! This Restaurant Switched Their Food To QR Codes

January 13, 2022 Brandon Wang 0

LOS ANGELES — Public health officials clapped when local restaurant Joe’s Burgers, already having replaced its paper menus with QR codes, doubled down on safety […]

Posts pagination

1 2 »

  • Someone glaring at another person standing in a corner at a party

    I Lived It: The Corner I Was Going To Stand In At The Party Got Taken

    As a Mysterious Fella, it’s important for me to have a nice corner to stand in at parties. There’s really nothing like holding a clammy […]

  • Report: White Woman Lowkey Doesn’t Mind The Patriarchy

    BEVERLY HILLS— Maddie Rose Miller, a fourth-year Sociology major, CorePower Yoga instructor, and aspiring luxury real estate agent, has recently reported feeling no ill-will towards […]

  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes

    Just the other day, I was walking to campus, my fresh, virgin eyes bright and cheery, excited to see the world and all the glory […]

  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Opinion: Half The Government Is Fired And I Still Need A Real ID?

    May 8, 2025 0
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not

    May 7, 2025 0
  • Opinion: He/Him Is Gender Neutral

    May 6, 2025 0
  • Julio Frenk Takes “Fuck the Police” Seriously, Last Seen Naked In Royce Hall

    May 5, 2025 0
  • “Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids

    May 2, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes