Breaking: Woman Scorned
HOLLYWOOD — The fires of hell could not compare to the fury of area woman Maria Cooper when she discovered her husband’s infidelity. “That ugly, […]
Dentistry
Trend Watch: Cooking With Buccal Fat
So, you’ve decided to remove your buccal fat because someone on TikTok told you to. Way to go! You’ve joined the ranks of admirable, hardworking […]
Pinocchio Discovers Real World, No Longer Wants To Be Real Boy
TUSCANY — Pinocchio, despite his lifelong wish to become a real boy, has announced he rescinds his statement and would like to become a wooden […]
“He Doesn’t Bite,” Says Man About Dog Who Stabs People
CORNER BY CHICK-FIL-A — Area man Brad Perez confirmed this week that while his dog Brutus does not bite people, he does stab them. “Of […]
2,022 Things To Look Forward To In 2022
2021 has wrapped up and we are now in a new year. Change can be scary, so here is a list of 2,022 things that […]
COVID Test Vending Machine Just Wants To Be Spit On
WESTWOOD — The COVID test vending machine located behind Haines Hall recently spoke out about its need to be spit on. “Many have tried to […]
MIT Researchers Develop Method For Teeth To Get Sunburnt
CAMBRIDGE, MA — In a scientific breakthrough, researchers at MIT have developed a mixture which, upon consumption, allows teeth to develop severe sunburns. “Why? Because […]
1/5 Dentists Agree Flossing For Little Bitch Boys
NEW YORK — The American Dental Association released a groundbreaking study this weekend which showed that while four out of five dentists agree that daily […]