Bruin Bash 2022 To Feature Literal Bashing
WESTWOOD — Amid widespread speculation over which artist will be headlining UCLA’s Bruin Bash, exciting information has come to light: the 2022 edition of the […]
Celebrities
Elizabeth II Also Struggling With Unexpected Heat Wave
HELL— Following unusually high temperatures across California this week, word has come in from Balmoral Castle in Scotland today that Queen Elizabeth II is also […]
FBI Seizes Barron Trump During Mar-A-Logo Raid
PALM BEACH — Officials from the Federal Bureau of Investigation announced Friday that they had seized Donald Trump’s youngest son, Barron, in their search of […]
God Tried For Crimes Against Humanity
THE HAGUE — On Monday morning, the International Criminal Court began its trial of God for His lengthy history of crimes against humanity. God is […]
In Her Flop Era? This Woman Has No Bones
LOS ANGELES — Lifestyle content creator Emily Nariko announced on Instagram last week that, following the mysterious disappearance of all of her bones, she is […]
iOS Update Includes Separate Notes App For Social Media Apologies
CUPERTINO — With the rollout of the iOS 16 beta underway, iPhone users may be surprised to find a new addition to their home screens: […]
New Study Reveals All
WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA has revealed the intimate, juicy details of her life in an exclusive tell-all interview with the Enabler. “You […]
We Gave A Monkey A Typewriter And This Is What We Got:
b bbbb buhbuhbuhbuhuuhh;i;aio;i;al;k’;a aikl;aiodifni;nabn;aeuhfiaeb alltheaorld’sastageandallthemenandwomenmerelyplyers spacebarspacebarspacebarspacebar I found the spacebar. All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have […]
TERF Celebrates Womanhood By Taking Period Dump
LONDON — Transphobic, self-proclaimed feminist Flatulence F. Fanny gave a speech at a rally Thursday, in which she tied her female identity to pooping on […]
Pinocchio Discovers Real World, No Longer Wants To Be Real Boy
TUSCANY — Pinocchio, despite his lifelong wish to become a real boy, has announced he rescinds his statement and would like to become a wooden […]