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All Things Enabled

Stay tuned for recordings of our gripping podcast! It’ll grip ya!

Julio Frenk Promises Undocumented Students He Will Do “Absolutely Nothing” To Help Them

March 5, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — After demands from the undocumented student group IDEAS for the Chancellor to meet with them, Julio Frenk has announced in a campus-wide email […]

UCLA Housing Signs Dorm Furnishing Contract With Temu

February 28, 2025 Jared Reed 0

WESTWOOD — In anticipation of even less housing space and even more budget cuts, UCLA Housing has attempted to cut costs by signing a dorm […]

U.S. Army Chorus Perform ‘Do You Hear The People Sing’ In Brave Protest Against Themselves

February 26, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Army Choir, who thought that ‘Les Miserables’ was French for ‘Miserable Lesbians’, conducted a fearless uprising against the U.S. military […]

“Romance Movies Have No Plot” Says Guy Whose Romance Has Even Less Plot

February 21, 2025 Jared Reed 0

Despite the fact this his current relationship is loveless and boring, Business Economics major Gustavo Hettro complained that his girlfriend’s choice of Pride and Prejudice […]

Violence Apparently Not Allowed At UCLA

February 13, 2025 Sabrina Ellis 0

Fire Stuck In Traffic Trying To Get Through Sepulveda Pass

January 23, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

Opinion: Stealing Is Morally Wrong Unless It’s From The Hilltop Shop

January 22, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

The Hilltop Shop is essential to surviving on the Hill. Need laundry detergent? Cheeto Puffs? A month-old refrigerated sandwich? You go to the Hilltop Shop. […]

‘Banana Peel Killer’ Sentenced to Death by Wet Floor

January 21, 2025 Jared Reed 0

BAKERSFIELD, CA — On Wednesday, serial murderer Anabel Pane, labeled the ‘Banana Peel Killer’ on social media due to her unconventional, cartoonish methods, received an […]

Westwood Spotlight: This One-Year-Old Restaurant Does Mexican Food The Expensive Way

January 18, 2025 Sam Rusk 0

LOS ANGELES — Westwood’s latest resident North of the Border Cantina and Grill opened the doors of its Le Conte location last Friday, serving up […]

Opinion: Bird Flu? Yeah, That’s What Their Wings Are For, Stupid

January 13, 2025 Ammi Lane-Volz 0

Posts pagination

« 1 2 3 … 7 »

  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes

    Just the other day, I was walking to campus, my fresh, virgin eyes bright and cheery, excited to see the world and all the glory […]

  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

  • Report: Never Trust How You Feel About Your Life From 12AM To 11:59PM

    WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA’s Student Anxiety and Depression (SAD) laboratory recommends to never trust anything you think about your life from 12:00 […]

  • Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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