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All Things Enabled

Stay tuned for recordings of our gripping podcast! It’ll grip ya!

Top Five Goonable Robots

March 7, 2025 David Doutman 0

Robots. One of the greatest and most attractive inventions ever thought up. They can help you with chores, they have superhuman strength, and best of […]

Julio Frenk Promises Undocumented Students He Will Do “Absolutely Nothing” To Help Them

March 5, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — After demands from the undocumented student group IDEAS for the Chancellor to meet with them, Julio Frenk has announced in a campus-wide email […]

UCLA Housing Signs Dorm Furnishing Contract With Temu

February 28, 2025 Jared Reed 0

WESTWOOD — In anticipation of even less housing space and even more budget cuts, UCLA Housing has attempted to cut costs by signing a dorm […]

U.S. Army Chorus Perform ‘Do You Hear The People Sing’ In Brave Protest Against Themselves

February 26, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Army Choir, who thought that ‘Les Miserables’ was French for ‘Miserable Lesbians’, conducted a fearless uprising against the U.S. military […]

“Romance Movies Have No Plot” Says Guy Whose Romance Has Even Less Plot

February 21, 2025 Jared Reed 0

Despite the fact this his current relationship is loveless and boring, Business Economics major Gustavo Hettro complained that his girlfriend’s choice of Pride and Prejudice […]

Violence Apparently Not Allowed At UCLA

February 13, 2025 Sabrina Ellis 0

Fire Stuck In Traffic Trying To Get Through Sepulveda Pass

January 23, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

Opinion: Stealing Is Morally Wrong Unless It’s From The Hilltop Shop

January 22, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

The Hilltop Shop is essential to surviving on the Hill. Need laundry detergent? Cheeto Puffs? A month-old refrigerated sandwich? You go to the Hilltop Shop. […]

‘Banana Peel Killer’ Sentenced to Death by Wet Floor

January 21, 2025 Jared Reed 0

BAKERSFIELD, CA — On Wednesday, serial murderer Anabel Pane, labeled the ‘Banana Peel Killer’ on social media due to her unconventional, cartoonish methods, received an […]

Westwood Spotlight: This One-Year-Old Restaurant Does Mexican Food The Expensive Way

January 18, 2025 Sam Rusk 0

LOS ANGELES — Westwood’s latest resident North of the Border Cantina and Grill opened the doors of its Le Conte location last Friday, serving up […]

Posts pagination

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  • Someone glaring at another person standing in a corner at a party

    I Lived It: The Corner I Was Going To Stand In At The Party Got Taken

    As a Mysterious Fella, it’s important for me to have a nice corner to stand in at parties. There’s really nothing like holding a clammy […]

  • Report: White Woman Lowkey Doesn’t Mind The Patriarchy

    BEVERLY HILLS— Maddie Rose Miller, a fourth-year Sociology major, CorePower Yoga instructor, and aspiring luxury real estate agent, has recently reported feeling no ill-will towards […]

  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes

    Just the other day, I was walking to campus, my fresh, virgin eyes bright and cheery, excited to see the world and all the glory […]

  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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