Breaking: UCLA Has A Women’s Basketball Team, Too!

WESTWOOD — Undercover journalists for the Daily Bruin’s sports desk have unearthed information suggesting that UCLA has a women’s basketball team that also wins games and is cool. “I had no idea, since it’s not like they put up barriers on Bruin Walk, show the game on ESPN instead of Pac-12, or charge students admission like the men’s games,” said Abi Pandit, a Daily Bruin reporter who self-identifies as “UCLA basketball’s number-one fan.” “Separate? Definitely. Equal? Not so sure about that one!” At press time, Enabler reporters were shocked to discover that UCLA has not one but ELEVEN varsity women’s sports that aren’t gymnastics.

About Gillian Smith 27 Articles
Flavius Octavius Julius Gaius Septimius, known colloquially as "Gillian the Great," is the 71st emperor of Rome. Her notable achievements include winning the 2021 Maryland BOGGLE state championship and not being assassinated yet.