WESTWOOD — After a thorough examination of UCLA’s student population, it has been concluded that every bitch is from the Bay Area. “Every time I introduce myself to someone, they say they’re from the Bay Area. When I ask what city, they get nervous and mumble something weird like Humboldt,” said distressed and confused out-of-state first-year student Linda Yorba. “Then they get frantic and start going on about how they ‘just say the Bay Area because that’s what people understand.’ I don’t know how much more of it I can take.” At press time, Yorba was absent, having called in sick after reporting visions of faceless, baggy-jean-wearing entities whispering “hella” to her over and over.