Breaking! Ackerman Bathrooms Got Cleaned!

WESTWOOD — In a historic first for UCLA, Ackerman Union’s A-Level bathrooms were cleaned on Sunday in anticipation of students not returning to campus. “We figured the time was now; no one will see them and we’ll have time to make them gross again before students come back in Week 3,” said Gene Block, Commander-in-Chief of Janitorial Services, who explained that UCLA’s classes will continue to be online if the bathrooms remain clean by week 3. “I’ve hired some contractors to TP the walls and leave urine streams all over the floor and just generally cause a ruckus next week.” An inside source close to Janitor Block revealed at press time that Block was deciding between the USC football team and the brothers of Sigma Alpha Epsilon to restore the bathrooms to their former glory.