Gold In Them-Thar Hills Actually Iron Sulfide
BODIE, CA–The good dwellin’-folk of Bodie, CA, durn had a mighty hell of a shock this week when the fancy learnin’ men in town done […]
Articles by Peter Carman
Thomas Jefferson Wakes Up In Cold Sweat, Cries, “My God, What A Terrible Nightmare”
MONTICELLO, VIRGINIA–Reporting feelings of tremendous fear, notable Founding Father Thomas Jefferson abruptly woke up in a cold sweat early this morning after a nightmarish vision […]
Nice Professor Allows Quiet Sobbing In Class
WESTWOOD – Receiving enormous praise for her kindness and understanding, Rachel Irwin, Professor of Economics, generously allows students to sob quietly during class. “I’ve never […]
Unclear How Many Layers Of Irony Guy Wearing Che Guevara Shirt Is Going For
WESTWOOD – Reporting feelings of great confusion, sources have stated that it is unclear how many layers of irony UCLA student James Kaplan, who recently […]
Report: Alliteration Almost Always Astonishingly Annoying and Aggravating
WESTWOOD–Astounding an abundance of amazed Anglos, a recent rigorous report related that alliteration is almost always astonishingly annoying and aggravating. “It’s immensely irritating,” said Mathematics […]
Philosophy Student Would Descend Into Nihilistic Hedonism If He Could Get Laid
WESTWOOD—Admitting that he’s drawn to the idea of living a life of lust-filled gratification in an entropic universe with no intrinsic meaning, Philosophy major Anthony […]
Prospective Student Waits For Dad To Stop Eye-Banging Cheerleaders At Bruin Transfer Day
WESTWOOD–Visiting from out of state and touring the campus on Bruin Transfer Day, prospective student John McDermot reportedly spent much of his time at UCLA […]