Couple Perfect For Each Other Not Even Kind Of Okay For Anyone Else
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Lauren Collins and her boyfriend Jason Cho are reportedly “perfect for each other,” according to sources close to the pair […]
Articles by Jasmine Don
Google Maps Introduces “Avoid Wilshire” Route Option
LOS ANGELES—Google Maps introduced an update this week that allows drivers to opt for a route that avoids navigation through Wilshire Boulevard. “Originally, we tested […]
Local Voter Starting To Suspect Trump Might Be Sexist
MINNEAPOLIS—Moments after a widely-publicized tape revealed a 2005 conversation in which Donald Trump boasted about assaulting women, local voter Andy Wilding reported that he was […]
Song Perfectly Captures How Local Teen Is Feeling
LOS ANGELES—Local high school student Danette Evans discovered a song on the radio that perfectly embodied her innermost feelings, she reported Monday. “So apparently, there’s […]
John Wooden Finally Peels Off Bronze Body Paint And Leaves Pauley Pavilion
WESTWOOD—After standing motionless on a pedestal in front of Pauley Pavilion for over three years, legendary basketball coach John Wooden finally removed his bronze body […]
Rhode Island Re-Classified As Unit Of Measurement
PROVIDENCE, RI—In a conference last Friday, the State Metrics Institute of America (SMIA) announced that Rhode Island would lose its statehood and be re-classified as […]
Man Unsure Where Ironic Self-Loathing Ends And Real Self-Loathing Begins
LOS ANGELES—Local man Tom Deluca confirmed Monday that he is no longer sure where his joking, lighthearted self-loathing ends and his genuine, deeply rooted self-loathing […]
Pita Chips Just An Excuse To Eat 7 Oz Of Hummus
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Evita Jacobs confirmed last Friday that the bag of pita chips she had purchased was just an excuse to eat […]
Local Family Eats Cornbread Out Of A Turkey’s Ass
LOS ANGELES — The Suelden family will be gathering in their home to eat cornbread out of a turkey’s ass this Thanksgiving, sources confirmed. “Yes, […]
Mars Sends Probe To Find Water In Central California
SECTOR 81-B, MARS — A group of Martian researchers have launched a probe designed to search for traces of water on Central Californian soil, according […]