Area Man “Proficient” In Microsoft Excel

WESTWOOD — In preparation for his summer internship search, area man Dimitri DiMarco convinced himself that he was more or less proficient enough in Microsoft Excel to list it as a “relevant skill” on his resume. “I mean, it’s just numbers and stuff,” he mused aloud, while struggling to recall a time he had even been able to use the computational analysis program for anything other than a simple graph. “What are the odds this unpaid internship will ask for me to actually use Excel?” he continued. “No seriously, what are the actual odds?” At press time, DiMarco left the program listed as a “relevant skill” and also included “public speaking” to diversify his candidacy.

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