Antarctic Ice Cap Not Melting, Just Thinning

Antarctica, as it stands today.
Antarctica, as it stands today.

ANTARCTICA—Antarctica’s normally thick ice cap has been looking patchy lately, but the continent is sure that this receding ice line is not a sign of permanent melting. “I mean, sure, we lost a little on the edges of the glacier,” Antarctica said, shifting as a few million gallons of water from a one ton iceberg broke loose from its shoreline. “But it’s just thinning, every ice cap and glacier experiences some amount of thinning as it gets older. It doesn’t mean I’m going to be completely melted.” Though the continent was unsure when the thinning began, it claimed the date was probably way earlier than when it first became noticeable, and was probably a natural process. At press time, the continent could be heard asking reporters whether its pole looked as thick as it did in 1923.

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Kushal is a hurricane hitting a Brachiosaurus stuck in rush hour traffic. He is the harmless prank phone call that frightens your mother into moving your entire family eight counties away. He is the smell of freshly baked cookies eerily emanating from an abandoned mental asylum. He is an amazing writer and incredible talent.