Andre To Perform At Coachella

INDIO, CA — In an unprecedented announcement, Andre has announced via his Instagram page (@larger_thanlife_3) that he will be performing at the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival. “Thanks to generous donations to my bank acc – I mean, charities – I’ve been able to secure a spot at Coachella,” said Andre, clearly preparing to ask for a donation to an obscure relief fund. “I plan on showing off some of my classics, like ‘Scuse Me Boss’ and ‘Can I Ask You A Question?’. Can you say ‘larger than life’?” At press time, Andre was seen soliciting Billie Eilish for a donation to “Scammers Without Borders.”