An Apple A Day Defends You From Your Doctor

TRANSYLVANIA — Recent studies have revealed that doctors are repelled by apples—a fact that the doctor hunters of Transylvania have known for years. “Apples have served as our last line of defense against the Enemy for centuries,” said doctor hunter Vladislav Bernthal, who arrived for this interview slathered in applesauce. “Apple juice, apple butter, Apple computers: they all do God’s work.” At press time, doctor hunters were reportedly debating whether dentists are doctors.