Abstract Painting Not All That Impressed By You Either

LOS ANGELES — Sources told the Enabler Tuesday that the abstract painting you saw wasn’t all that impressed by you either. “Yeah, my four-year-old could have made your overdone comments,” said “Untitled, Black on Gray” (1969), moments before taking a long drag from his abstract gray cigarette. “I’m a fucking Rothko. To be honest, I find your whole personality a little derivative—you listen to music, you know social media sucks but you go on it every single day anyway, and you berate yourself for not living up to your full potential even though you really never had that much of it in the first place.” At press time, “Untitled” sold for $61 million.

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Brandon Wang lives in Westwood with his adopted son Macaulay Culkin. His hobbies include enabling.