Strapped for cash for the best Valentine’s Day gift? Already donated all the blood you can to the blood and platelet center? Not to fret– your lover’s body is bursting with cash ripe for the taking. Put on some protection and get set to steal these organs.
1. Their lungs
What better way to take their breath away than stealing their main respiratory organs? Plus, if you do it right, you might even be able to administer a little mouth-to-mouth.
Price: About $275,000
2. Their eyes
Sure, they won’t be able to see your date night outfit anymore, but they also can’t look at other girls while you’re in line for your reservation at Olive Garden. I saw you looking at her ass, Richard.
Price: $19,000 per cornea; $1,500 whole (including cornea). No, I don’t get it either.
3. Their nose
Got your nose!
4. Their bladder
This is only if you have, like, a piss thing, because these don’t sell for nearly as much as most other organs.
Price: $5 and a large drink
5. Their balls/ovaries
If they wake up during the operation and for some reason want to break up with you, this is a nice way of making sure you have a memento to remember them by. If you don’t want to sell them, they can also help relieve some of the post break-up stress by doubling as meditation balls.
Price: $5,000 per pair or about $1.2 million (with eggs), respectively