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Month: August 2025

Opinion: The Fight Song Shouldn’t Have Words

August 30, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

In light of football season starting again, I needed to mentally prepare myself for another fall quarter of watching us crap the bed every single […]

Trump’s $1 Billion Settlement Shuts Down The Westwood Enabler

August 9, 2025 Rachana Aithal 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Westwood Enabler has been shut down. On Friday, the Trump administration sent UCLA their proposal for a $1 billion settlement, in […]

Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research

August 2, 2025 Georgia McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — After the Trump administration justified cutting research funding to UCLA by citing concerns of antisemitism, Jews and Gentiles alike were shocked when the […]

Opinion: Suck It, Pre-Meds! Now We’re All Going To Be Unemployed

August 1, 2025 Alex Yang 0

It finally happened. Despite being so against equity and inclusion, Trump finally did something to level the playing field between you pre-meds and us humanities, […]

  • Math Professor Doesn’t Know That Half Of Ten Weeks Is Five Weeks

    WESTWOOD — This week, local math professor Dr. Ivil has come under fire after scheduling a midterm for Week 4, a week that is definitively […]

  • Stolen Goods Stolen From Place With Exclusively Stolen Goods

    PARIS — Parisian police officers were stunned to discover this weekend that priceless jewels were stolen from the Louvre, a place that exclusively houses priceless […]

  • BPlate Announces Collab With McDonald’s To Ensure Froyo Machine Breaks More Often

    WESTWOOD – In a surprise new development, BPlate has announced a partnership with the fast food chain McDonald’s to ensure that the froyo machine remains […]

  • Government Shutdown Finally Hits Canvas

    WESTWOOD — Students everywhere awoke this morning to the modern equivalent of snow outside their windows: Canvas has been shut down due to bipartisan gridlock. […]

  • Opinion: If You A Stressed Baddie Who Procrastinated Before Canvas Went Down, This One’s For You

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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