Roommate Finally Learns Second Song On Acoustic Guitar
WESTWOOD — After three years of listening to his roommate exclusively play “Wonderwall” by Oasis, one man has confirmed that the aspiring acoustic guitarist was […]
Month: March 2025
Gayley Heights Burns Down After Roommates Make Really Long Chain Of Power Strips
WESTWOOD — On Thursday, UCLA apartment building Gayley Heights went up in flames after a mischievous band of roommates assembled an unusually lengthy chain of […]
J.D. Vance Just Happy To Be Included In Group Chat For Once
WASHINGTON, D.C. — When reached for comment about his inclusion in the Houthi PC Small Group Signal chat, Vice President J.D. Vance admitted he was […]
Admitted Student Already Planning On Skipping Lectures
SAN JOSE — After getting accepted to UCLA’s Class of 2029, one high schooler already had his mind set on skipping lectures as soon as […]
Julio Frenk Fires Self In Compliance With UCLA’s New Anti-Diversity Hiring Policies
WESTWOOD – This morning, Julio Frenk showed his dedication to following UCLA’s new anti-diversity hiring policies by firing himself. “When I was hired, there was […]
Fat Sal’s And Five Other UCLA Traditions That Suck Ass
The only time I’ve ever been to Fat Sal’s was when I was either drunk or high out of my mind, which makes sense because […]
Opinion: Each Study Buddy Should Count As A Body
Having a study buddy is so intimate. You see, I have one, and we have this transactional arrangement where we meet late at night in […]
“Do You Know What Today Is?” Asks Biggest Dweeb You Know
WESTWOOD — This morning, students all over campus had their peace interrupted by the biggest dweeb around asking if they knew what day it was. […]
STEM Major Still Has To Google Unit Circle
WESTWOOD — Third-year Applied Mathematics major William L’Hopital recently made sine waves last Friday when he was seen googling the unit circle in his upper-division […]