The Enabler Reports: Zip It, Gamgam! America’s New Epidemic Of Lippy Elders
“I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up?” More like, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t SHUT UP!” Subtle disses by the frail hands of elders have […]
Month: December 2024
Mysogyny And For Other Words I Don’t Know How To Spell
Its finals weak. I have to right tree different essays butt oh no I’m bad at spelling! I’m not gonna use spellcheck because the machine’s […]
Opinion: There Should Be Female Frats For Hey Mamas Lesbians
UCLA Greek life is undeniably captivating. During rush, inspired, I found myself at an impasse, deciding where I would fit in to all of this. […]
Opinion: I Am Going To Squish My Roommate Like A Bug
Oh my god. My roommate just looked at me. Why in the fuck ass did he just do that. He might as well be taking […]
Biden Makes Crucial Mistake In Pardoning Turkey, Accidentally Pardons Human Son
WASHINGTON D.C. — In a stunning turn of events, President Joe Biden has officially pardoned his son Hunter Biden from a series of federal tax […]
Opinion: We Give Up, Wrap Your Own Spotify
What the hell do you want from us? Do you know how annoying you sound in our DMs right now? “Oh, when’s Wrapped coming out? […]
I Lived It: My Face Card Got Declined
WESTWOOD – It’s 3:30, and I just got out of class to go to Kerckhoff Coffeehouse. It’s been a long day and I need my […]
Trend Watch: Balls Piercing
Ears, bellybuttons, noses, nipples, and tongues. All places people of all genders and body types can get a piercing and slut the fuck out. However, […]