Charlie Brown Diagnosed With CTE
ANYTOWN, USA – After getting his 7th concussion from failing to kick the football, Charlie Brown has been diagnosed with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE). “Wah […]
Month: November 2024
“Let’s Have A Friendsgiving!” Says Friend Group Just As Dysfunctional As Your Family
WESTWOOD — This morning, local friend and insane person Sam Man dropped a bombshell in the groupchat as he suggested that they all get together […]
Well, That Can’t Be Good! Las Vegas Sphere Rolls Away
LAS VEGAS — The Las Vegas entertainment industry suffered a devastating loss this past weekend when a strong gust of wind sent the world-famous Sphere […]
Opinion: This “College” Shit Is Nothing Like Community
I arrived at UCLA like many first-years: bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and convinced that my four years at college would be just as magical as the six […]
LinkedIn Rolls Out New “Open To Fuck” Banner
WESTWOOD — LinkedIn use is on the rise, with seniors desperate to secure connections before graduating, but with a sparse job market, many students are […]
History Department Announces New Concentration In “Future”
WESTWOOD – After running out of past to study, the history department has announced that students can now declare a concentration in “future.” “We are […]
I Lived It! Communal Bathroom Diarrhea So Bad I Had to Notes App Apologize
Tell me why I can stomach Taco Bell and Chipotle like a champ, but as soon as I try to get my veggies in at […]