National Coalition Of Male Feminists To Start “Bitch Respecting” Initiative
WASHINGTON, D.C. — On Thursday morning, the National Coalition of Male Feminists announced its new “Bitch Respecting” initiative. “As male feminists, it’s not our place […]
Month: May 2024
Alabamian Initiates Dorm Floorcest Movement In The Name Of Culture
WESTWOOD — First-year Alabamian and psychology major Cous N. Louver has sparked controversy for introducing a new trend among his peers: floorcest. “My entangled family […]
TAs Replaced! Cops With Funky Bicycles To Lead Sections From Now On
WESTWOOD — Following the recent authorization of the UAW strike, Chancellor Gene Block has made the executive decision to replace all TAs with the Campus […]
Gazing Upon Your Reflection In Pauley Pavilion And 4 Other Signs You May Be A Narcissist
Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? You, of course! If you see yourself in 3 or more of these signs, […]
Opinion: EEEEEEEK!
GEt it off Get it off! I thINK it BIT ME!!!! All I did was make the squeaky noise so it would look at me, […]
Congrats Seniors! Studies Find People Actually Turn To Sand After Graduating College
WESTWOOD — As students graduate and begin their careers as baristas and consultants for their dad’s company, newly minted adults can find comfort in the […]
Gene Block One Well-Worded Email Away From World Peace
WESTWOOD — After sending multiple emails about the current “conflicts” happening both on campus and internationally, Gene Block is reportedly just one well-worded email away […]
UCLA To Investigate What UCLA Ordered UCPD To Do
WESTWOOD — On Monday morning, Chancellor Gene Block announced UCLA’s investigation into what UCLA ordered UCPD to do to UCLA student protestors on UCLA’s campus. […]
USAC Candidate Campaigns To Implement The Gold Standard For Meal Swipes
WESTWOOD — With upcoming deflation to $4.33 for on-campus meal swipes, USAC Candidate Roger Hardy plans to tackle upcoming swipe deflation with an old-fashioned solution […]