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Month: August 2022

UCLA Introduces New 3 Bedroom/17 Person Apartments

August 20, 2022 Kathryn Steenburgh 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA made waves Saturday with the unveiling of an innovative new housing option: a three-bedroom, seventeen-occupant apartment. “Well, we had to figure out […]

CDC Drops 2nd C From Name

August 18, 2022 Dylan Wood 0

ATLANTA — Following a series of changes to their COVID-19 policies, the C.D.C. has declared that they will be dropping the second “C” from their […]

In-N-Out Burger To Replace Bible Verses On Wrappers With Shakespearean Insults

August 13, 2022 Dana Badii 0

IRVINE — Billionaire owner and president of In-N-Out Burger, Lynsi Snyder, announced last Thursday that the wholesome Bible verses on their packaging will soon be […]

FBI Seizes Barron Trump During Mar-A-Logo Raid

August 12, 2022 Dylan Wood 0

PALM BEACH — Officials from the Federal Bureau of Investigation announced Friday that they had seized Donald Trump’s youngest son, Barron, in their search of […]

God Tried For Crimes Against Humanity

August 4, 2022 Tatiana Davidson 0

THE HAGUE — On Monday morning, the International Criminal Court began its trial of God for His lengthy history of crimes against humanity. God is […]

“Just Do It” And 4 Other Things To Say To Your Sweatshop Workers

August 3, 2022 Brandon Wang 0

Sweatshop workers not sweating enough? Don’t sweat it, because the Westwood Enabler has you covered with these original motivational lines! Never tell them that no […]

  • Sad: UCLA 2025 Alum Still Roaming Campus

  • Top Five Father’s Day Gifts For A Dad Who Doesn’t Golf Or Grill Or Fish Or Camp Or Mow The Lawn

    Happy Father’s Day! Fortunately for you, your dad isn’t one of those basic losers who actually gets out of the house and does something on […]

  • Pros And Cons Of Texting Your Hometown Situationship Right Before Summer Vacation

    Summer is nigh. The end of finals is in sight, and unless you were lucky enough to get accepted into some fancy internship in Palo […]

  • Blue and yellow UCLA-themed vibrators at the Hilltop shop

    Anxious For Finals? Hilltop Shop Releases UCLA Vibrators

    WESTWOOD — In light of test-taking jitters, the Hilltop Shop has released UCLA-themed vibrators ahead of finals. “I really wanted to buy the Blue Bullet […]

  • Naked guy at the UCLA undie run

    Trend Watch: Going Commando At Undie Run

    Enough is enough. Every time the UV level is a 7, everybody and their mother is out getting sunburnt on Janss in a bikini top. […]

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
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Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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