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Month: August 2022

UCLA Introduces New 3 Bedroom/17 Person Apartments

August 20, 2022 Kathryn Steenburgh 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA made waves Saturday with the unveiling of an innovative new housing option: a three-bedroom, seventeen-occupant apartment. “Well, we had to figure out […]

CDC Drops 2nd C From Name

August 18, 2022 Dylan Wood 0

ATLANTA — Following a series of changes to their COVID-19 policies, the C.D.C. has declared that they will be dropping the second “C” from their […]

In-N-Out Burger To Replace Bible Verses On Wrappers With Shakespearean Insults

August 13, 2022 Dana Badii 0

IRVINE — Billionaire owner and president of In-N-Out Burger, Lynsi Snyder, announced last Thursday that the wholesome Bible verses on their packaging will soon be […]

FBI Seizes Barron Trump During Mar-A-Logo Raid

August 12, 2022 Dylan Wood 0

PALM BEACH — Officials from the Federal Bureau of Investigation announced Friday that they had seized Donald Trump’s youngest son, Barron, in their search of […]

God Tried For Crimes Against Humanity

August 4, 2022 Tatiana Davidson 0

THE HAGUE — On Monday morning, the International Criminal Court began its trial of God for His lengthy history of crimes against humanity. God is […]

“Just Do It” And 4 Other Things To Say To Your Sweatshop Workers

August 3, 2022 Brandon Wang 0

Sweatshop workers not sweating enough? Don’t sweat it, because the Westwood Enabler has you covered with these original motivational lines! Never tell them that no […]

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