WESTWOOD— The John Wooden Center’s recent facilitation of rapid COVID-19 tests was met with heavy resistance this week, as several local fraternities protested the implication […]
TAMPA — After 22 years in the NFL, veteran quarterback Tom Brady has announced that he will be leaving the game of football. “I don’t […]
WESTWOOD — A tireless new advocate for disability rights has emerged at UCLA in the form of fourth-year Jordan Jortson, who recently found out his […]
LOS ANGELES — Second-year Communications major Aiden Malone clarified today that his use of the “raise hand” function on zoom was just his stretching. “If […]
COLLEGE PARK, GA — In a groundbreaking win for LGBT rights, Chick-Fil-A has announced its decision to donate half of its employees’ hourly wages to […]
WESTWOOD — Los Angeles County Animal Control reported Tuesday that Boelter Hall’s nerd infestation has reached alarming heights. “We were able to capture a large […]
WESTWOOD — This year’s Omicron crisis has pushed many students into busy remote schedules, forcing them to listen to lectures at double speed to preserve […]
U.S.A. — Thanks to the latest online craze, Wordle, virgins from coast to coast are bonding over the exciting opportunity to guess a new five-letter […]
SALT LAKE CITY — Making His first public appearance in millennia, God announced Sunday that the Mormons had won the religion lottery for eternal bliss, […]
VATICAN CITY — The Holy Roman Catholic Church announced on Tuesday that the Seven Deadly Sins will be revised to include Not Refilling the Brita. […]
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