Students Disturbed That North Campus Sculpture Not Naked
WESTWOOD — Following the reveal of the latest addition to the North Campus sculpture garden, many students expressed how disturbing it was that the sculpture […]
Month: February 2020
Royce Hall Introduces Night Royce
WESTWOOD — In an unprecedented move of unclear motive, UCLA officials announced that Royce Hall will be opening its doors to students during the wee […]
UCLA Depression Grand Challenge Getting A Little Competitive
WESTWOOD — After seeing a banner for UCLA’s Depression Grand Challenge, third year computer science major Michael Hodgekiss has made it his goal to win […]
MIT Researchers Develop Method For Teeth To Get Sunburnt
CAMBRIDGE, MA — In a scientific breakthrough, researchers at MIT have developed a mixture which, upon consumption, allows teeth to develop severe sunburns. “Why? Because […]
Proactive Freshman Digs Own Grave
WESTWOOD — UCLA freshman and self-proclaimed go-getter Laura Johnsonelli has reportedly begun arrangements for her own burial. “After I graduate med school, meet the optometrist […]
Covel Announces Plans To Add Food To Menu
WESTWOOD — The Hill was abuzz Monday morning following a long-rumored announcement that Covel would finally be adding food to its menu. “We’ve heard your […]
UCLA Employs Team of Sherpas to Assist Students Up The Hill
WESTWOOD — In response to student complaints about accessibility issues, UCLA has hired a team of Sherpas to assist struggling students up The Hill. “In […]
Op-Ed: Crosswalk May Stop My Walk, But It Cannot Stop The Winds Of Time
Well well well, look who it is. Mister “Oh you have to wait a few seconds even though there are no cars.” You think you’re […]
Students Start To Pack, Professor Filibusters
WESTWOOD — As Math 33A neared 3:50 p.m. last Friday, students began to pack in eager anticipation of no longer learning things. “Class isn’t over,” […]
Area Douche Identifies With TV Anti-Hero
WESTWOOD — In what onlookers have described as a “display of pure originality,” local douchebag Jake Gordonsky revealed last Friday that he totally identifies with […]