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Month: June 2019

Report: Facebook Event Invitations Don’t Mean Shit

June 14, 2019 Nicole Corona Diaz 0

WESTWOOD — Shocked to have seen literally everyone at Josh’s “exclusive” birthday party, second year biology major Sabrina Crocker has concluded that Facebook event invitations […]

UN Classifies One Floor Elevator Rides As War Crime

June 14, 2019 Grace Johnston-Glick 0

WESTWOOD — This afternoon, the UN passed a resolution to reclassify one-floor elevator trips from a low-level faux pas to a fully fledged war crime. […]

BREAKING NEWS:

June 14, 2019 Jack Lyons 0

Please continue to check The Westwood Enabler for updates.

Report: Velma Lost Her Glasses In Rocco’s

June 14, 2019 Matt Moldenhauer 0

WESTWOOD — UCPD has reported that Velma Dinkley, a member of the crime solving group Mystery Inc., filed a police report claiming that she lost […]

Rotting Mound Of Marine Life Newest SeaWorld Attraction

June 3, 2019 Joshua Rice 0

SAN DIEGO — SeaWorld sparked nationwide buzz last Friday after announcing that they would be unveiling a massive, festering mound of sea creatures choking on […]

God Beginning To Wonder Whether Anything In Bible Actually Happened

June 3, 2019 Joshua Rice 0

BETHLEHEM — Following thousands of years of religious discourse, God admitted in an exclusive interview Monday that he has doubts about how accurately His holy […]

UCLA Unveils New Financial Aid Program For Graduation Sashes

June 3, 2019 Sam Mallari 0

WESTWOOD — In an effort to make graduation regalia more accessible for low-income students, the UCLA Financial Aid & Scholarships Office announced a new supplement […]

BREAKING: Gene Block Spotted At Rocco’s

June 3, 2019 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — Esteemed UCLA Chancellor Gene D. Block was spotted at popular Westwood bar Rocco’s this past Thursday night, imbibing and dancing among the Bruin community […]

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