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Month: November 2018

Student Health Organization Releases The Names Of People Using Your Shampoo

November 4, 2018 Nathan Grovhoug 0

  WESTWOOD — After protracting their expected weeklong investigation to over three months, Monday morning the UCLA Student Health Organization announced the names of people […]

Professors Collaborate To Ruin Josh’s Life

November 4, 2018 Hannah Page 0

WESTWOOD — In an impressive display of teamwork, three UCLA professors collaborated specifically to ruin Josh’s life. “Both Professor [Julian] Wakeman and Professor [Rosa] Mohamed […]

Roommate Cooks Pasta Again

November 4, 2018 Nathan Glovinsky 0

WESTWOOD — Returning home from a late evening class, third-year Biology major Ashley Barton is confirmed to have cooked pasta once again. “I like rigatoni,” […]

New Meal Plan Equates One Swipe With Ten Minutes At The Trough

November 4, 2018 Max Flora 0

WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing Department recently instituted a new meal plan that would provide students with ten minutes at The Trough, a communal feeding […]

Posts pagination

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  • UCLA Administration Goes On Strike to Protest AFSCME

    WESTWOOD — This past week, UCLA administration has bravely taken to the streets to protest the injustices committed by the “pesky” AFSCME labor union. “It’s […]

  • Winter Quarter Offers Every Goddamn Class But The Ones You Need For Your Degree

    WESTWOOD — UCLA recently announced a bold new plan to offer every single class for Winter 2026– except for the ones you need to graduate […]

  • Japanese Newborn Named Hernández Kiké

    KOBE, JAPAN — In response to the wave of Latino infants being named after Japan’s cultural exports such as Goku and Roki Sasaki, Japanese sports […]

  • Trump Gives 15-Year-Old Girl Apology Smooch

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following new revelations about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, who he calls “the greatest pedophile of all time,” President Donald J. Trump […]

  • Democrats Advance Key Policy Goal of Strengthening Republican Party

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Weeks of less-than-firm resolve paid off Wednesday as Democrats forged a shutdown-ending compromise that accomplishes one of the party’s longstanding goals: strengthening […]

Featured Authors

Grace McIntyre
  • UCLA Opens “B-ruining Lives” Resource Center For Student Anti-Wellbeing
  • Opinion: If You A Stressed Baddie Who Procrastinated Before Canvas Went Down, This One’s For You
  • A Letter To Prospective Student Tour Groups: I’m Better Than You
Zach Fischer
  • Backpacking Club Announces Trip To Public Affairs Building
  • UCLA Administration Goes On Strike to Protest AFSCME
  • Economists Worried As Daylight Savings Runs Out

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