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Month: November 2018

SAE’s Christmas Lights Almost Impressive Enough to Make You Forget About Those Sexual Assault Allegations

November 27, 2018 Nathan Glovinsky 0

WESTWOOD – In a dazzling display of holiday cheer, UCLA’s chapter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon (SAE) recently put up a Christmas decor ensemble that almost made […]

Punk Band Totally Fine With No One Showing Up to Their Show. No Really, They Are.

November 26, 2018 Griffin Stout 0

WESTWOOD – Following a local house show this weekend, punk rock band Anarchist Tendencies denied feeling heartbroken despite the fact that no one showed up […]

National Crisis Averted By New National Crisis

November 26, 2018 Max Flora 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Last week, the United States experienced a tragic event that altered the lives of many and was covered by every news outlet […]

J.K. Rowling Announces on Twitter that John Wooden is Gay

November 26, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

WESTWOOD – Beloved fantasy author J.K. Rowling turned to Twitter this morning to announce that  deceased UCLA basketball coach John Wooden is gay. “I’m so […]

UCLA Student Not Photographer But Does Have iPhone With Portrait Mode

November 26, 2018 Matt Moldenhauer 0

WESTWOOD — Recent reports from the “UCLA Free & For Sale” Facebook page have indicated that third-year student Liz Samuels did not consider herself a photographer […]

Self-Proclaimed “Cool” Professor Overheats in Leather Jacket

November 24, 2018 Griffin Stout 0

WESTWOOD — Earlier this week, adjunct History professor Dennis Falsk fainted during an intense lecture on early Mesopotamian farming practices after refusing to take off […]

MISSING: Friend Who Said “We Should Hangout Sometime.”

November 24, 2018 Sam Mallari 0

WESTWOOD — Concerned acquaintances have filed a missing persons report for Allison Nguyen, who was last seen in passing in the dining halls after some […]

Study: Doodling on Pen and Paper Has Better Retention Than Doodling on Electronic Devices

November 23, 2018 Carl Hatch 0

WESTWOOD — A recent study has shown that those students who distract themselves in class by doodling on their electronic writing devices may be suffering […]

UCLA Breaks Ground on Ben Shapiro School of Owning the Libs

November 23, 2018 Max Kohn 0

WESTWOOD — Reflecting UCLA’s commitment to recognizing the achievements of its distinguished alumni as well as its desire to offer an education that encompasses a […]

Ghost Kinda Weirded Out by How Often Family Visits Grave

November 23, 2018 Mackenzi Elias 0

WESTWOOD — Days before his three year death anniversary, ghost of the late “Pawpaw” Brian Krane reported to be kinda weirded out by how often […]

Posts pagination

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  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes

    Just the other day, I was walking to campus, my fresh, virgin eyes bright and cheery, excited to see the world and all the glory […]

  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

  • Report: Never Trust How You Feel About Your Life From 12AM To 11:59PM

    WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA’s Student Anxiety and Depression (SAD) laboratory recommends to never trust anything you think about your life from 12:00 […]

  • Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]

Featured Authors

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Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
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