Area Woman Just Loves Bread
WESTWOOD—During her weekly night out with her three best girlfriends last Thursday, area woman Makenna Donahue proudly proclaimed that she just loves bread. “I was […]
Month: May 2018
New Sheriff Realizes He In Wrong Town
GREENWOOD, MISSISSIPPI—Upon reporting for duty on his first day at work and proclaiming “there’s a new sheriff in town,” recently-relocated law enforcement officer Darryl Sharpton […]
Report: Your Best Not Good Enough
WESTWOOD — According to a new report corroborated by your collective of friends, family, classmates, and employers, your best is not good enough, refuting previous reports […]
Study: Second-Borns More Likely To Have Older Sibling
WESTWOOD — After observing datasets including thousands of families from a variety of different backgrounds, researchers from the UCLA Department of Sociology have discovered that second-born […]
Study: Vegetables Don’t Eat Themselves
WESTWOOD — A groundbreaking study conducted by the University of California, Los Angeles has concluded that vegetables do not, in fact, eat themselves. “We observed […]
Report: Actually, This Pod Reserved
WESTWOOD — In an unexpected turn of events, local YRL patron Simone Defford approached a group of students today in what witnesses could only describe […]
Point: I’m Not Your Waifu, You Fucking Creep / Counterpoint: Then Why Is Your Face On My Body-Pillow?
Point: I’m Not Your Waifu, You Fucking Creep By: Ashley Jacobs Listen. Attraction is natural. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, has wanted to fuck […]
Thirteen Year Old Beatles Fan Born In Wrong Generation
SAN ANTONIO — Thirteen year old Beatles fan Allan Davis realized early Monday morning that he was, in fact, born in the wrong generation. “Like this comment […]
Area Housecat Charged With Misdemeanor Catnip Possession
SAN FRANCISCO — In the highest profile criminal case of the decade, area housecat Mr. Whiskers was found in his house early Monday morning with seven […]
Senior Kinda Relieved “Best Time Of Her Life” Almost Over
WESTWOOD — Waking up bright and early for her 11 am class Wednesday morning, fourth-year Adrianne Moreno revealed that she was kind of relieved the […]