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Month: May 2018

Area Woman Just Loves Bread

May 29, 2018 Hannah Page 0

WESTWOOD—During her weekly night out with her three best girlfriends last Thursday, area woman Makenna Donahue proudly proclaimed that she just loves bread. “I was […]

New Sheriff Realizes He In Wrong Town

May 27, 2018 Jack Lyons 0

GREENWOOD, MISSISSIPPI—Upon reporting for duty on his first day at work and proclaiming “there’s a new sheriff in town,” recently-relocated law enforcement officer Darryl Sharpton […]

Report: Your Best Not Good Enough

May 27, 2018 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — According to a new report corroborated by your collective of friends, family, classmates, and employers, your best is not good enough, refuting previous reports […]

Study: Second-Borns More Likely To Have Older Sibling

May 24, 2018 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — After observing datasets including thousands of families from a variety of different backgrounds, researchers from the UCLA Department of Sociology have discovered that second-born […]

Study: Vegetables Don’t Eat Themselves

May 24, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

WESTWOOD — A groundbreaking study conducted by the University of California, Los Angeles has concluded that vegetables do not, in fact, eat themselves. “We observed […]

Report: Actually, This Pod Reserved

May 23, 2018 Jasmine Vaughn 0

WESTWOOD — In an unexpected turn of events, local YRL patron Simone Defford approached a group of students today in what witnesses could only describe […]

Point: I’m Not Your Waifu, You Fucking Creep / Counterpoint: Then Why Is Your Face On My Body-Pillow?

May 23, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

Point: I’m Not Your Waifu, You Fucking Creep By: Ashley Jacobs Listen. Attraction is natural. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, has wanted to fuck […]

Thirteen Year Old Beatles Fan Born In Wrong Generation

May 23, 2018 Pranay Hegde 0

SAN ANTONIO — Thirteen year old Beatles fan Allan Davis realized early Monday morning that he was, in fact, born in the wrong generation. “Like this comment […]

Area Housecat Charged With Misdemeanor Catnip Possession

May 23, 2018 Pranay Hegde 0

SAN FRANCISCO — In the highest profile criminal case of the decade, area housecat Mr. Whiskers was found in his house early Monday morning with seven […]

Senior Kinda Relieved “Best Time Of Her Life” Almost Over

May 23, 2018 Saniya Anand 0

WESTWOOD — Waking up bright and early for her 11 am class Wednesday morning, fourth-year Adrianne Moreno revealed that she was kind of relieved the […]

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