Report: B-Fit Playing That Song Again
WESTWOOD—Sources inside the Bruin Fitness Center (B-Fit) weight room confirmed on Monday that the campus gym was again playing that song that they always play. […]
Month: April 2018
Kid Shocked To Discover Parents Are Actually Married
LOS ANGELES — In a shocking turn of events, local six-year-old Aiden Thomas recently discovered his parents, previously thought to just be very good friends, are […]
Occasional Affirmation Just Enough To Sustain Professor/Student Fantasy
WESTWOOD — An offhand affirmation recently imparted by UCLA biochemistry professor Keith Abrams to one of his students was just enough to sustain the delusional fantasy […]
Taking A Stand: These 5 Senators Announced They Will Not Be Inviting President Trump To Their Birthday Parties
Dianne Feinstein is known by her Senate colleagues as “the Queen of birthday parties,” and this June’s big 8-5 is sure to be no […]
Fuck! Cambridge Analytica Knows I Don’t Have A Life
WESTWOOD — Fuck! I just heard on Facebook that Cambridge Analytica has all my information now! What will I do? Oh shit. Do they know that […]