Submission: Regarding David Hogg’s Admission
Dear David: After careful review of your application for admission, we regret to inform you that we are not able to offer you admission for […]
Month: March 2018
North Campus T.A. Growing Out Gross Beard
WESTWOOD — Philosophy 100A TA Mark Isaacs announced this week that he would be growing out a gross beard in the coming quarter. “As I […]
Words of Prophets Discovered On “Bitch Problems” Twitter Account
TWITTER.COM — Theological scholars this past week discovered fully intact prophetic scripture in the annals of a Twitter account with the handle “Bitch Problems.” “You need […]
Submission: Gelato Way Better Over There
Hi there! It’s me, your friend who studied abroad in Rome over Winter Quarter. Listen, I don’t want to sound like a cliché, but Study […]
Local Roommate’s Tinder No Longer Ironic
WESTWOOD — Earlier this week, area woman Becca Corkin officially changed her stance on the nature of her roommate’s Tinder usage. “I think it started off […]
Area Woman Unsure If Man Cute Or If She Just Bored
WESTWOOD — Sources close to the scene report that area woman Bethany Watson is having a difficult time deciding if her male friend is cute or […]
Report: Dishes Still There
WESTWOOD — According to a recent scientific study published by your roommates, findings verified that your dishes are still there. “After observing empirical data and […]
Plane Crashes After Man Forgets To Enable Airplane Mode
NEW YORK — The Federal Aviation Administration released a press statement this morning, divulging that the Boeing 747 that crashed shortly after departing JFK International Airport […]
Dumb Opinion Definitely Not Worth Discussion Points
WESTWOOD — After careful study, researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles have determined that expressing your dumb opinion is definitely not worth the discussion […]
So Cute! When This High Schooler Didn’t Have A Date To Prom, Her Best Friend’s Dad Offered to Spend the Night with Her in His Basement Instead!
CLEVELAND, OH — Prom can be a super sad, stressful time for high-schoolers who don’t have dates. But when senior Becca Martin found herself without a […]