Op-Ed: “Can I Go Back To The Wild Yet?”
Friends, I am experiencing a full-blown identity crisis. I have been serving the UCLA community for the last ten years. I did not do it […]
Month: February 2018
Report: You Probably Won’t Finish That Paper Early
WESTWOOD — After much deliberation, sources close to you recently reported that, no, you probably won’t finish that paper early. “I know you’re going away […]
Man Six Beers In Just Taking The Edge Off
WESTWOOD — Area man Joseph Park has consumed six beers in an attempt to take the edge off after a long day. “Yeah, like, I […]
UNICEF To Consider Starving Children On A Case-By-Case Basis Due To Budget Cuts
LOS ANGELES — UNICEF announced early Monday morning that it would consider providing meals to starving children on a case-by-case basis due to budget cuts, citing […]
Freshman Relieved She Done With Hardest Quarter
WESTWOOD — Sources report that first-year pre-anthropology major Amelia Collins is relieved she is done with her hardest quarter of her college career. “Everyone told me […]
Local Man Enjoys Airport Pat-Down
LOS ANGELES — After waiting for over two hours in the security line, local man Michael Beal reportedly “thoroughly enjoyed” a pat-down from officials at the […]
Ackerman’s Gas Leak Heard by Everyone in Gym Class
WESTWOOD — Profusely denying any wrongdoing, Ackerman Union is alleged to have let out a little gas during seventh period PE this afternoon. “It was totally […]
Inspiring Political Science Professor Tells Students They Can All Be President When They Grow Up
WESTWOOD — Affirming the long-held hopes and dreams of the students in his American Politics lower-division course, UCLA Political Science Professor Chris Worcester remarked in last […]
Movie Review: I Haven’t Watched “Black Panther” Yet, But I Know It’s Good
Today I’m reviewing a movie I really love, “Black Panther.” Well, actually, it doesn’t come out for a few more weeks and that means I […]
Area Mom Tired
SPRINGFIELD, IL — After another monotonous week of organizing carpool and running errands around town, area mom Linda Milken earnestly revealed that she was tired. […]