Western Wall Grabbed By the Crevice
JERUSALEM — On May 22, one of the holiest sites of the Abrahamic religions was allegedly accosted by a visiting tourist with incredibly small hands. […]
Month: May 2017
Children Playing House Engage In Horrific Custody Battle
WESTWOOD–The playground at Westwood Elementary became the center of tense conflict as second-grader Jenny Katz, playing the role of “Mommy,” and third-grader Ben Quon, playing […]
Local Fraternity Member Finally Grunts Louder Than Club Athlete At Wooden
WESTWOOD–After months of training, UCLA fraternity member Kyle Lewis finally succeeded in grunting louder than that guy on the club baseball team while lifting. “That […]
Report: One-Year-Old Water Bottle Still Not Washed
WESTWOOD—Earlier this week, sources confirmed that third year Environmental Science major Elizabeth Maxwell hasn’t washed her reusable water bottle since she bought it last year. […]
How To Get Out Of That Frat Formal You Agreed To
Someone asked you to a frat formal and you accidentally agreed! Oh, no! Here’s WE’s best tips for getting out of it. Drop out of […]
Selfless Area Woman Looks At Friends In Group Picture Too
LOS ANGELES, CA—Area woman Nicole Robinson always makes sure to look at her friends’ faces in a group picture, because that’s how her mother raised […]
Sociology Student Solves Racism In Four-Page Paper
WESTWOOD–In an act of true nobility, first-year sociology student Molly Rupert successfully ended racism in America with a four-page essay. “At first I was concerned […]
I Never Fucking Agreed To This
Get the fuck away from me. I’m a cat. A black cat. Humans aren’t supposed to get near us, let alone fucking touch us. I […]
Golden Key Honor Society Deadline Approaching
WESTWOOD–Sources have confirmed that the deadline for the Golden Key Honor Society, who warns you of its upcoming deadline every couple of weeks, is rapidly […]
Kid Really Good At Chess For Some Reason
WESTWOOD – Local 12-year-old Eric Donovan is really good at chess for some reason, sources have reported. “I’ve seen him play with other kids and […]