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Month: February 2017

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Moonlight’s Win Absolves Academy of Passive Racial Exclusivity

February 27, 2017 Kali Croke 0

LOS ANGELES — Following Moonlight‘s Oscars win for Best Picture, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was happily absolved of all racial prejudice […]

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White Celebrity In $100,000 Dress Wins Gold Statue For Being The Best, Denounces Trump

February 27, 2017 Sierra Scott 0

LOS ANGELES—A white celebrity wearing a $100,000 dress got onstage at The Academy Awards where she accepted a golden statue for being the best and […]

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Nation Wishes Warren Beatty Had Announced Presidential Election

February 26, 2017 Kushal Chatterjee 0

LOS ANGELES — After Warren Beatty mistakenly announced the wrong winner of Best Picture at the Oscars, Americans around the country were heard wishing that […]

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Westwood Enabler Banned From Spicer’s Press Briefing

February 24, 2017 Kushal Chatterjee 0

WASHINGTON D.C. – Reporters from The Westwood Enabler called in to report that Press Secretary Sean Spicer had barred them from attending his off-camera Q&A […]

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Op-Ed: So Pedophilia Is The Line?

February 20, 2017 Milo Yiannopoulos 0

As the world’s most dangerous faggot™ I, Milo Yiannopoulos, have always strived to present the true and disturbing facts about the cancerous spread of third […]

Top 8 UCLA Date Ideas

February 13, 2017 Enabler Staff 0

Still not sure how to impress your date on Valentine’s Day? Here are some ideas guaranteed to get you a “that was nice!” text afterwards. […]

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Report: Guy At B-Plate Really Going For Those Brussels Sprouts

February 13, 2017 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD–Sources confirmed that around 6:30 last night, this guy at B-Plate was really going for the brussels sprouts, appearing stoic as he rammed the metal […]

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Area Man Loved That Cinematography

February 12, 2017 Sierra Scott 0

WESTWOOD—Citing the director’s artistic use of various camera techniques in a new movie he saw on Tuesday, area man Noah Pitzer loved that cinematography. “The […]

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Big Win For Mouthfeel! This Merlot Is Tannic And Velvety

February 12, 2017 Jasmine Don 0

Good news, mouthfeel lovers! The Edna Valley 2013 Merlot is tannic and velvety. Its deep, chewy tannins and smooth, opulent body make for a wonderfully […]

Body Positivity! This 8th Grader Drew Boobs On His Chem Textbook

February 12, 2017 Jasmine Don 0

Despite major strides made by #FreeTheNipple and other gender equality campaigns, the female body is still constantly viewed as a sexual object. Though male and […]

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