The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Life
    • Roommates
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

Month: February 2017

No Image

Moonlight’s Win Absolves Academy of Passive Racial Exclusivity

February 27, 2017 Kali Croke 0

LOS ANGELES — Following Moonlight‘s Oscars win for Best Picture, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was happily absolved of all racial prejudice […]

No Image

White Celebrity In $100,000 Dress Wins Gold Statue For Being The Best, Denounces Trump

February 27, 2017 Sierra Scott 0

LOS ANGELES—A white celebrity wearing a $100,000 dress got onstage at The Academy Awards where she accepted a golden statue for being the best and […]

No Image

Nation Wishes Warren Beatty Had Announced Presidential Election

February 26, 2017 Kushal Chatterjee 0

LOS ANGELES — After Warren Beatty mistakenly announced the wrong winner of Best Picture at the Oscars, Americans around the country were heard wishing that […]

No Image

Westwood Enabler Banned From Spicer’s Press Briefing

February 24, 2017 Kushal Chatterjee 0

WASHINGTON D.C. – Reporters from The Westwood Enabler called in to report that Press Secretary Sean Spicer had barred them from attending his off-camera Q&A […]

No Image

Op-Ed: So Pedophilia Is The Line?

February 20, 2017 Milo Yiannopoulos 0

As the world’s most dangerous faggot™ I, Milo Yiannopoulos, have always strived to present the true and disturbing facts about the cancerous spread of third […]

Top 8 UCLA Date Ideas

February 13, 2017 Enabler Staff 0

Still not sure how to impress your date on Valentine’s Day? Here are some ideas guaranteed to get you a “that was nice!” text afterwards. […]

No Image

Report: Guy At B-Plate Really Going For Those Brussels Sprouts

February 13, 2017 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD–Sources confirmed that around 6:30 last night, this guy at B-Plate was really going for the brussels sprouts, appearing stoic as he rammed the metal […]

No Image

Area Man Loved That Cinematography

February 12, 2017 Sierra Scott 0

WESTWOOD—Citing the director’s artistic use of various camera techniques in a new movie he saw on Tuesday, area man Noah Pitzer loved that cinematography. “The […]

No Image

Big Win For Mouthfeel! This Merlot Is Tannic And Velvety

February 12, 2017 Jasmine Don 0

Good news, mouthfeel lovers! The Edna Valley 2013 Merlot is tannic and velvety. Its deep, chewy tannins and smooth, opulent body make for a wonderfully […]

Body Positivity! This 8th Grader Drew Boobs On His Chem Textbook

February 12, 2017 Jasmine Don 0

Despite major strides made by #FreeTheNipple and other gender equality campaigns, the female body is still constantly viewed as a sexual object. Though male and […]

Posts pagination

1 2 … 4 »

  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    WESTWOOD – Last night, UCPD relapsed in their ongoing addiction to arresting innocent students by violently swarming a movie screening and arresting two attendees. “The […]

  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Health Tip: Swallow Your Zyns

    April 16, 2025 0
  • Straight Basketball Players Unionize After Highest Gay Per Capita WNBA Draft

    April 15, 2025 0
  • Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge

    April 14, 2025 0
  • Admitted freshmen on the Janss Steps for Bruin Day

    Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students

    April 12, 2025 0
  • OPINION: Useless Sproul Laundry Machines Can’t Even Make Me Cum

    April 11, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes