Christ Returns, Forgot Some Stuff In Capernaum
ISRAEL—Jesus Christ, the inspiration for the Christian faith, will take the next couple of days to collect a pair of sheepskin moccasins and a favorite […]
Month: May 2016
Last Couple Still Together From High School Finally Breaks Up
WESTWOOD—Sources confirmed Friday that the last remaining long distance relationship that began in high school between Amber Rogers and David Sowers has finally come to […]
How To Vote In The California Primaries
Voting season got your panties in a bunch? Never fear, The Westwood Enabler is here. Here are our top tips to make sure your vote matters. […]
Philosophy Student Would Descend Into Nihilistic Hedonism If He Could Get Laid
WESTWOOD—Admitting that he’s drawn to the idea of living a life of lust-filled gratification in an entropic universe with no intrinsic meaning, Philosophy major Anthony […]
A Recap of Spring Sing
Did you miss Spring Sing? Not a big deal! The Westwood Enabler has got you covered. Here’s a brief recap of Spring Sing: Sigma Alpha Epsilon […]
Former Study Partner Returns To Unacknowledged Passerby Status
WESTWOOD—Freshman James Beckstead noted he saw a figure approaching that very closely resembled his CHEM 14A study partner from the fall quarter, but as their […]
Sleeping Classmate’s Nose Almost Touches Chest
WESTWOOD—Fourth-year Economics major Judy Caplin reported that her sleeping classmate’s nose had almost touched his chest during a philosophy lecture early Tuesday morning. “He was […]
Putrid Corpse Of Jackie Robinson Exhumed For Display On Campus Tours
WESTWOOD—Posing genially next to the putrid corpse of the American hero, Gene Block announced today that the earthly remains of the legendary UCLA Alumnus, Jackie […]
Student Hustles Cool Thousand From De Neve Pool Table
WESTWOOD—Lighting up a cigarette and chalking off the tip of his cue with a flourish, self-described “alternative student” Justin Hernandez hustled a cool thousand at […]
Prospective Student Waits For Dad To Stop Eye-Banging Cheerleaders At Bruin Transfer Day
WESTWOOD–Visiting from out of state and touring the campus on Bruin Transfer Day, prospective student John McDermot reportedly spent much of his time at UCLA […]