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Month: January 2016

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Jan. 24, 2016

January 25, 2016 Enabler Staff 0

Pita Chips Just An Excuse To Eat 7 Oz Of Hummus

January 24, 2016 Jasmine Don 0

LOS ANGELES — Local woman Evita Jacobs confirmed last Friday that the bag of pita chips she had purchased was just an excuse to eat […]

Discriminatory Grading Policy Favors Students That Work Harder

January 24, 2016 Nathan Grovhoug 0

WESTWOOD—Allegations of widespread discrimination favoring harder-working students in the University of California system arose Monday. “Not only are certain students more likely to get higher […]

Local Motorist Turns Left NOW!

January 24, 2016 Nathan Grovhoug 0

WESTWOOD—After several moments of deep, pensive internal debate, local woman Ann Campbell has decided that right now, with a red light and several pedestrians blocking […]

Area Woman Shazams DMV Hold Music

January 24, 2016 Sierra Scott 0

LOS ANGELES — Citing the incredible variety of smooth jazz that she heard while on hold for nearly 45 minutes today, local woman Susan Foreman […]

Historians Uncover Plato’s “About The Author”

January 24, 2016 Sierra Scott 0

ATHENS, GREECE—Historians identified an original copy of Plato’s self-drafted “About the Author” on Thursday that provides an intimate glimpse into the late philosopher’s personal life. […]

Fire In Boelter, Everyone Gets Lost And Dies

January 24, 2016 Kushal Chatterjee 0

WESTWOOD—The Los Angeles Fire Department confirmed earlier this week that there were no survivors of the massive fire that broke loose in Boelter Hall. “It […]

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Op-Ed: Global Warming Will Put Florida Underwater. Oh No.

January 24, 2016 Peter Stanford 0

Experts predict that global warming will cause the sea level to rise three to six feet over the next century, putting at least a third […]

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Teen Spends Hours Trying On Different Personalities

January 24, 2016 Yuqi Ma 0

PORTLAND, OR—Posing in front of her bedroom mirror, 15-year-old Kaitlyn Howard tried on 72 different personalities in the span of five hours. “I like to […]

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ISIS Appalled By NRA’s Lack Of Regard For Human Life

January 24, 2016 Jack Lyons 0

RAQQA, SYRIA — In a video that surfaced this last Thursday, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi appears to condemn the National Rifle Association (NRA), citing […]

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