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Month: October 2015

Student Dresses Up As Ackerman Bathrooms For Halloween

October 31, 2015 Isaac Williams 0

WESTWOOD — Reports confirm that second year Linguistics major Sarah Halladay plans to dress up as the Ackerman Student Union restrooms for this year’s Halloween festivities. […]

Gene Block To Hand Out Single Hershey’s Kiss On Halloween

October 30, 2015 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — In a memo to UCLA and the greater Westwood communities this past week, UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced that he will set aside […]

Obama Opens Border To El Niño

October 27, 2015 Hans Oberschelp 0

WASHINGTON D.C. — President Barack Obama signed a controversial executive order this morning to open the border for the southern climate oscillation, El Niño. The […]

Out-Of-State Student Thrilled by Scenic View Of LA Smog

October 27, 2015 Tanu Srivastava 0

WESTWOOD, CA — According to sources, out-of-state student Roberta Flemington is reportedly delighted that her room in Dykstra Hall overlooks the famed Los Angeles smog. […]

UCLA Frat Says No One Wore Blackface, Only ‘Rachel Dolezal’ Face

October 26, 2015 Crucius Finch 0

WESTWOOD — A fraternity says that no one wore blackface to the recent “Rachel Dolezal”-themed party that sparked protests on campus last week. The fraternity […]

Birthday Girl Neglected By World For Remaining 364 Days Of The Year

October 21, 2015 Yuqi Ma 0

TOLEDO, OH — Following the birthday celebration of 20-year old Ayah Zobi, all living organisms from protists to senior citizens across all 196 nations of […]

Student Has Perfect Thing To Add To Lecture

October 18, 2015 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD — Much to the admiration of those around her, second year Jessica Grant confirmed Monday that she had like the perfect thing to add to […]

Report: Students Spending More Money On Textbooks Than Useful Shit

October 16, 2015 Luke Moran 0

WASHINGTON, DC — A study released by the United States Department of Commerce Thursday found that college students are spending an increasing amount of money […]

Marco Rubio Forges Doctor’s Note To Get Senate Absences Excused

October 11, 2015 Jack Lyons 0

WASHINGTON, DC — Following months of missed votes and prolonged periods of absences from his Senate duties, Marco Rubio reportedly handed Senate Majority Leader Mitch […]

Mars Sends Probe To Find Water In Central California

October 7, 2015 Jasmine Don 0

SECTOR 81-B, MARS — A group of Martian researchers have launched a probe designed to search for traces of water on Central Californian soil, according […]

Posts pagination

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  • Top Five Father’s Day Gifts For A Dad Who Doesn’t Golf Or Grill Or Fish Or Camp Or Mow The Lawn

    Happy Father’s Day! Fortunately for you, your dad isn’t one of those basic losers who actually gets out of the house and does something on […]

  • Pros And Cons Of Texting Your Hometown Situationship Right Before Summer Vacation

    Summer is nigh. The end of finals is in sight, and unless you were lucky enough to get accepted into some fancy internship in Palo […]

  • Blue and yellow UCLA-themed vibrators at the Hilltop shop

    Anxious For Finals? Hilltop Shop Releases UCLA Vibrators

    WESTWOOD — In light of test-taking jitters, the Hilltop Shop has released UCLA-themed vibrators ahead of finals. “I really wanted to buy the Blue Bullet […]

  • Naked guy at the UCLA undie run

    Trend Watch: Going Commando At Undie Run

    Enough is enough. Every time the UV level is a 7, everybody and their mother is out getting sunburnt on Janss in a bikini top. […]

  • Top Five Easiest Felonies To Get Your Finals Cancelled

    Uh oh. Finals are already here, and despite saying you were going to “lock in next week” for the past nine weeks, you haven’t a […]

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