The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • On The Paper
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

Month: May 2014

Ashe Center Doctor Diagnoses Patient as “Sick”

May 28, 2014 Stephen Reichenbach 0

WESTWOOD—Earlier today, the Westwood Enabler received confirmation that a doctor working in the Ashe Center had diagnosed a student as being “sick.” According to reports, […]

Kinky Lab Rat Likes Being Abused

May 23, 2014 Luke Moran 0

SEATTLE—Noting a spike in the serotonin levels of test subject 110021a, nicknamed “Alfred”, scientists at the Bryer National Laboratory concluded this morning that the rodent […]

No Image

Student Neglects to Forward Chain Letter, Almost Dies

May 21, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

WESTWOOD – Yesterday morning, police were called to UCLA’s dormitories after a student woke up in terror. The student, whose name cannot be revealed for […]

No Image

Murphy Sculpture Garden Sculptures Arrested for Indecent Exposure

May 19, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

WESTWOOD, CA – The UCLA Police Department arrested over a dozen sculptures in the Franklin D. Murphy Sculpture Garden Sunday on charges of indecent exposure. […]

No Image

Alanis Morissette Finally Catches Up On Word Of The Day Calendar

May 18, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

WESTWOOD, CA — 7 time Grammy Award-winning alt-rocker Alanis Morissette revealed to reporters late Friday night that the backlog of words created from falling behind […]

No Image

Spring Sing Mix Up Leads To Choreographed Hostage Situation

May 17, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

WESTWOOD — The much anticipated seasonal jubilee known as Spring Sing saw an impressive number of attendants as expected yesterday evening, though the otherwise exuberant […]

No Image

Royce Light Show “More Dangerous Than Banned Pokemon Episode”

May 14, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

WESTWOOD – Rumors surrounding the Royce Hall light show have been working their way up and down Bruinwalk, and some of them are not in […]

A Bunch Of Grad Students Just Doing Their Thing

May 12, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—A bunch of grad students were spotted in Westwood village early Sunday evening just sort of hanging out, doing their grad student thing. At approximately […]

No Image

UC Spring Break To Be Shortened By One Week In Observance Of Jewish Holiday

May 9, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

OAKLAND, CA – The University of California academic calendar underwent further modification Monday after UC officials announced the shortening of spring break for the 2014-2015 […]

No Image

W.E. Guide To 2014 Student Elections

May 9, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

Student Elections are often confusing, skull-smashingly boring affairs, where we have the chance to make the over-achievers and go getters of today become the politicians […]

Posts pagination

1 2 »

  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

  • Report: Never Trust How You Feel About Your Life From 12AM To 11:59PM

    WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA’s Student Anxiety and Depression (SAD) laboratory recommends to never trust anything you think about your life from 12:00 […]

  • Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]

  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site

    Dear Julio Frenk, UCLA has been under a lot of controversy lately. The encampments and the mob attack on them, the cops everywhere, deportations, budget […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Julio Frenk Takes “Fuck the Police” Seriously, Last Seen Naked In Royce Hall

    May 5, 2025 0
  • “Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids

    May 2, 2025 0
  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    May 1, 2025 0
  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    April 30, 2025 0
  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    April 29, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes