The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
  • A&E
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • Life
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact

Month: March 2014

Murmurs & Rants: Fuck Cal

March 23, 2014 Enabler Staff 1

Dear Cal, Fuck you. No, seriously. Fuck you. Who even let you happen? We, the students of every other UC ever, have a list of […]

Student In Powell Library “Totally Happy” To Watch Stranger’s Stuff

March 13, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—Third year biology major Margaret Small confirmed that she is totally happy, in fact “practically leaping out of her seat” at the prospect of having […]

God Sends Only Son To Defuse Situation On Bruinwalk

March 10, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—After being alerted to an alarming spell of hate speech taking place outside of Kerckhoff hall today, Our Lord God, Divine Creator of the Universe […]

Satirical Newspaper Publishes Sub-Par Article

March 9, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

INTERNETS—The humor sector was gravely dismayed after an established satirical humorous comedy newspaper released to its trusting, naive readers a story which failed to be […]

I Have A Plan To Bring Girl Scout Cookies To UCLA On A Permanent Basis

March 9, 2014 Luke Moran 0

Now let’s be clear about a few things first. First of all, what I’m advocating does not necessarily qualify as kidnapping per se. Can some […]

Student Discovers Parents Have Been Paying Friends to Attend Birthday Parties

March 7, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

BRENTWOOD—In a shocking turn of events, student Dominic Downer discovered that his parents really had been paying his friends to attend his birthday parties for […]

Child Discovers e-Books Also Come In Print Form

March 6, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

SEATTLE, WA – While attending a school field trip to the Seattle Public Library Wednesday, Haggerty Elementary 3rd grader Kevin Abernathy was astounded to discover […]

Students Expecting “Man Clinton” Disappointed

March 6, 2014 Luke Moran 0

UCLA To Begin Accepting Students From Delaware

March 4, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—In a statement released by the Office of Admissions, UCLA has announced today that it will, for the first time in the school’s nearly century-long […]

Rain Inspires Record Number Of Amateur Poets

March 3, 2014 Luke Moran 0

LOS ANGELES—Citing the “motion of palm trees, like lonely children that shiver in the night” as well as the “glimmering pools of heaven’s tears”, a […]

Posts navigation

1 2 »

Ivory Search

Featured Authors

Lily Kiamanesh
  • BREAKING: Everyone Who Commented “pls admit me” On UCLA’s Instagram Was Just Accepted
  • “PU!” And 3 Other Things Not To Say To Your Grandma At Her Wake
  • Opinion: Your Sleeping Roommate Doesn’t Matter

RECOMMENDED

  • Generous Airline Passenger Offers Half Of Armrest In Exchange For Six Hours Of Touching

    April 18, 2022 0
  • “&$@!,” And Four Other Things You Really Shouldn’t Say

    April 16, 2022 0
  • Therapists Hate Her!

    April 14, 2022 0
  • Amazing! Area Man Eyeballs Correct Amount Of Pasta For Two People

    April 13, 2022 0
  • Anonymous Invasive Carp Destroys Google Docs Ecosystem

    April 12, 2022 0
FOLLOW US
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
ARCHIVES

Copyright © 2022 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes