The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • On The Paper
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

Month: March 2014

Murmurs & Rants: Fuck Cal

March 23, 2014 Enabler Staff 1

Dear Cal, Fuck you. No, seriously. Fuck you. Who even let you happen? We, the students of every other UC ever, have a list of […]

Student In Powell Library “Totally Happy” To Watch Stranger’s Stuff

March 13, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—Third year biology major Margaret Small confirmed that she is totally happy, in fact “practically leaping out of her seat” at the prospect of having […]

God Sends Only Son To Defuse Situation On Bruinwalk

March 10, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—After being alerted to an alarming spell of hate speech taking place outside of Kerckhoff hall today, Our Lord God, Divine Creator of the Universe […]

Satirical Newspaper Publishes Sub-Par Article

March 9, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

INTERNETS—The humor sector was gravely dismayed after an established satirical humorous comedy newspaper released to its trusting, naive readers a story which failed to be […]

I Have A Plan To Bring Girl Scout Cookies To UCLA On A Permanent Basis

March 9, 2014 Luke Moran 0

Now let’s be clear about a few things first. First of all, what I’m advocating does not necessarily qualify as kidnapping per se. Can some […]

Student Discovers Parents Have Been Paying Friends to Attend Birthday Parties

March 7, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

BRENTWOOD—In a shocking turn of events, student Dominic Downer discovered that his parents really had been paying his friends to attend his birthday parties for […]

Child Discovers e-Books Also Come In Print Form

March 6, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

SEATTLE, WA – While attending a school field trip to the Seattle Public Library Wednesday, Haggerty Elementary 3rd grader Kevin Abernathy was astounded to discover […]

Students Expecting “Man Clinton” Disappointed

March 6, 2014 Luke Moran 0

UCLA To Begin Accepting Students From Delaware

March 4, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—In a statement released by the Office of Admissions, UCLA has announced today that it will, for the first time in the school’s nearly century-long […]

Rain Inspires Record Number Of Amateur Poets

March 3, 2014 Luke Moran 0

LOS ANGELES—Citing the “motion of palm trees, like lonely children that shiver in the night” as well as the “glimmering pools of heaven’s tears”, a […]

Posts pagination

1 2 »

  • Sad: UCLA 2025 Alum Still Roaming Campus

  • Top Five Father’s Day Gifts For A Dad Who Doesn’t Golf Or Grill Or Fish Or Camp Or Mow The Lawn

    Happy Father’s Day! Fortunately for you, your dad isn’t one of those basic losers who actually gets out of the house and does something on […]

  • Pros And Cons Of Texting Your Hometown Situationship Right Before Summer Vacation

    Summer is nigh. The end of finals is in sight, and unless you were lucky enough to get accepted into some fancy internship in Palo […]

  • Blue and yellow UCLA-themed vibrators at the Hilltop shop

    Anxious For Finals? Hilltop Shop Releases UCLA Vibrators

    WESTWOOD — In light of test-taking jitters, the Hilltop Shop has released UCLA-themed vibrators ahead of finals. “I really wanted to buy the Blue Bullet […]

  • Naked guy at the UCLA undie run

    Trend Watch: Going Commando At Undie Run

    Enough is enough. Every time the UV level is a 7, everybody and their mother is out getting sunburnt on Janss in a bikini top. […]

Featured Authors

mm
Georgia McNeill
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    May 23, 2025 0
  • Report: Never Trust How You Feel About Your Life From 12AM To 11:59PM

    May 22, 2025 0
  • Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

    May 21, 2025 0
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site

    May 20, 2025 0
  • Report: Someone Broke Into My Dorm And Left All This Bong Smoke Here

    May 19, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes