UCLA Students In Uproar Over Cookie Shortage
WESTWOOD – Police were called in today to break up a riot that started after an unnamed pre-med student purchased the last box of Thin […]
Month: February 2014
Obama Issues Executive Order To Become Character In Game Of Thrones
NEW YORK—In an unprecedented use of executive authority, Barack Obama has issued an order to be written into the immensely-popular HBO fantasy series Game of […]
The Enabler Asks You: Do you support the proposal to divide California?
As many of our readers may know, a petition to divide California into 6 different states has been gaining momentum over the past several weeks. […]
Cancer Patient Bearing Shaun White’s Hair Filled With Chagrin
MEMPHIS, TN – Julianna Norton, a 12-year old cancer patient at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, told reporters Thursday night that she has regrets about […]
A Guide to Cockblocking: How to Ensure No One Else Gets Laid, Either
Are you tired of watching your friends bring home a different partner after every party? Sick of being sexiled? Just plain lonely and bitter? The […]
Clinton Supporters Climb Fence, Incite Riot
WESTWOOD—In a scene more suited for european soccer matches than politics, a horde of Clinton supporters climbed a fence near the Central Ticketing Office today, […]
Hammer Museum Installation Features Multiple Floors, Door Open/Door Close Buttons
WESTWOOD—With its futuristic sliding doors and innovative “moving platform”, Michael Hobart’s “Ascension” is the Hammer museum’s latest installation to test the bounds of the contemporary […]
Haunted House Willed to Heirs, If They Can Stay Through One Entire Night
SEATTLE, WA—After hearing of their late great-uncle Alfred Corman’s passing via his obituary in the Seattle Evening Post, siblings Andrew and Pauline Mortensen were left […]
Area Teenager Eats Pint Of Ice Cream Without Wearing Sweatpants
WESTWOOD, CA—Major concerns were raised in the Westwood community early Friday evening after local teenager Dorothy Springer finished off her pint of Cherry Garcia ice […]