​​Optimistic Area Man Thinks He’ll Get The Friends In Breakup

SACRAMENTO — Local man and former girlfriend-haver James Jobs shocked acquaintances and family on Friday with his announcement that he will retain his and his girlfriend’s mutual friends after their break up. “Those guys? Oh yeah, they love me,” stated Jobs at his 25th birthday party, which no one attended. “We’ve had tons of laughs, like that time my girlfriend went to the bathroom and we all commented on the game. And her gal pals love me, cheater or not.” The Enabler reached out to Jobs’ friends for comment, but was unable to find a single one.

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Jade is an enigma, the shadow at the edge of your vision, the personification of night, and a third-year English major. She enjoys creeping into your nightmares and creative writing.