WESTWOOD — Following UCLA Radio’s record low admission rate into their intern program three weeks ago, the Doc Martens company experienced a record high surge in returns of oxfords, boots, and creepers alike. “I bought these shoes thinking I would need them for my interview to show that I know about music, but I didn’t even make it past the internet application! Now I have no use for them,” wrote disgruntled anonymous UCLA Radio listener Guest6428, later identified as user @depressed.beagle on Instagram. “I really tried everything. I took pictures with a skateboard that I never learned how to ride, got a few admittedly risky stick-and-poke tattoos… I wasn’t even able to return my shoes because they said the leather was too saturated with cigarette smoke (later confirmed to be from the Treehouse Apartment Complex by John Lautner), so now my time here at UCLA is all for nothing!” Sources later reported that the rejections corresponded with a noticeable drop in Spotify listens to the band “Cole Heramb and the Flame Train” within this same time period.
