WESTWOOD — In response to student complaints about accessibility issues, UCLA has hired a team of Sherpas to assist struggling students up The Hill. “In keeping with our reputation as a world-class university, we are proud to announce the addition of a dozen members of the Sherpa people to our illustrious staff,” said Chancellor Gene Block, who assured his fullest sympathy with the student body, despite the fact that his rock-hard calves and beefy thighs render The Hill little more than a pebble beneath his vast feet. “Upon reaching Bruinwalk, each student will now be equipped with a pickaxe and harness in preparation for the climb. Oxygen will be provided periodically throughout the journey.” Following the statement, an additional email had been sent announcing tuition hikes in order to pay for a ski lift from Pauley Pavilion to Hedrick Hall.
