WESTWOOD — In a totally Virgo move, third-year English major Alison Wong dropped her religious studies course after discovering her professor was a triple water sign. “I’m really interested in the class, but three main placements in Cancer, Pisces, and Scorpio? How can I trust someone with that energy to grade my papers?” said Wong. “A moon in Scorpio is already a lot of baggage, but there’s, like, not a single Earth sign in his chart. He is going to be a total emotional wreck. Plus, my CoStar says I should avoid toxic dreaminess at this time in my life and focus on decisions that advance my fundamental stability.” At press time, Wong was forced to drop the rest of her classes, as well as her closest friends and current boyfriend, due to continued discovery of astrological incompatibility.
