WASHINGTON, D.C. — Buzzkill Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) has expressed interest in voting for the testimony of John Bolton and other key witnesses in the impeachment trial of President Donald J. Trump. “Of course that nerd Mitt would raise his hand and ask for more homework – I mean work; he doesn’t have a life like me,” said dismayed Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), who was attempting to kill time in the locked Senate chambers by playing “Hot or Not” with Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.). “I thought this whole impeachment thing was gonna be a mad hangout sesh, not this sausage fest with a bunch of note-taking virgins talking about ‘oaths’ and ‘the Constitution.’” At press time, Senator McConnell and “The Bros” were invited by President Trump to the White House Situation Room to eat Gushers and “play Call of Duty against some Iranians.”
