Good News! Ashe Appointment Available December 2022
WESTWOOD — On her fifth call to the Ashe Center, second-year Natalie Johnson was able to secure a primary care appointment for December 2022. “I’m […]
WESTWOOD — On her fifth call to the Ashe Center, second-year Natalie Johnson was able to secure a primary care appointment for December 2022. “I’m […]
WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented bipartisan move, both the Senate and the House of Representatives unanimously voted Wednesday in favor of declaring nuclear war against […]
MILKY WAY — The solar system announced Saturday that it had really had enough of planning third-year psychology major Natalie Jones’s next downward spiral. “People […]
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA — A recent report found that 70% of balding men also reported hair loss in the pubic region. “For a lot of us, […]
WESTWOOD — Henry Bones, assistant professor within UCLA’s anthropology department, was denied tenure this weekend after a student got him so good with a “ligma” […]
WASHINGTON, DC — Following his positive COVID-19 diagnosis, Rudy Giuliani has reportedly checked himself into Walter Reed Hardware Store, a small building supply company located […]
WESTWOOD — According to toilets close with the Enabler, the rightmost automatic faucet in Target has begun demanding bathroom users to “beg for it” in […]
WESTWOOD — Last Friday evening, several students reported that the inverted fountain was ceaselessly echoing an ominous incantation. Local fraternity member, Chet Charles, noticed it […]
BRATTLEBORO, VT — Area man Chuck Childs expressed disappointment with himself after admitting that binge eating his entire family Tuesday night was a major setback […]
WESTWOOD — Shocked to have seen literally everyone at Josh’s “exclusive” birthday party, second year biology major Sabrina Crocker has concluded that Facebook event invitations […]
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